Ze Curse of ze Flying Monkey
by lil-blonde-pirate
Summary: Zis is just a really random bit of crazy sillyness. A rather random plotline about annoying foreign princesses and flying monkeys (I think...) read at your own risk.....
1. Ze Curse Begins

**Ahoy there.This is rather random. DON'T ask. I don't really have much idea as to why I wrote it, or where it's going and every time something random pops into my head I write it down. So yes this is quite a strange story. I warn you in advance. Strangeness and randomness ahoy. And oh yes...I like dots...**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not evern my marbles. The pixie took them...**

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**_Ze Curse of ze Flying Monkey_**

It was a long hot day and Capitan Jack Sparrow was standing at the helm of The White Pearl. The black Sails got a bit grubby so were replaced by white ones and therefore the ship renamed. Jack was humming the Noddy theme tune to himself when he heard a loud crash behind him followed by an "Ooof!" followed by an "Oy! Ye're on my sleeve!" followed by a thump followed by "Ouch! Ow dare you! Stupid pig!" followed by "Who ye calling stupid pig!" followed by "You!" followed by "oh yeah?" ...this would have gone on for a while if Jack hadn't chosen this moment to intervene in whatever was going on.

"What's going on down here?" He bellowed in his captain voice. He went over to see for himself, forgetting that he was supposed to be steering the ship. What he saw was a lot of barrels full of bannanas(which were now scatterd over the deck)that had been tipped over, one of his crew members looking very angry at a random blonde girl whom he had never met before in his life. "Who are ye?" He demanded. "And why the blazes are ye on my ship!" The girl who looked about ready to kill the crew member straightened up and addressed the Captain in a strong accent.

"I do not know ow I got on zis ship...I vas oping you could tell me, it seems I vas just beamed ere. And I am Ollie Ganvonregima." Her name was actually Holly but she couldn't pronounce H so it came out Ollie. Jack wasn't sure what country she came from but she had a very strange accent. He frowned. He couldn't really toss her overboard...he guessed she'd have to stay.

"Well Ollie, are ye any good at scrubbing?" She tossed her long silky platinum blonde hair over her shoulder.

She looked a bit miffed. "I'll av you know I am ze Princess of Oligna, heir to ze throne." Jack raised an eyebrow.

"Eh...so ye won't be scrubbing the deck any time soon?" She tossed her hair again.

"No." she said, tossing her hair. (which was starting to annoy Jack) He pondered about what task he could assign to a "princess"

"Well...er...ye can up to the crows nest and keep watch. Yell if ye see any ships."

"Huh!" Ollie said and tossed her hair again, turning and stalking away. Jack had only known her for a few minutes but was now seriously debating over whether or not tossing her into the ocean would be acceptable.

A few hours later Jack found Ollie standing at the back of the ship leaning on the railing, looking out over the ocean. He guessed that was where she had been most of the time. He was walking over to her when a particularly large seagull swooped right into him and knocked him flying. It flapped away screeching and cursing.

"Vas it just me or did zat seagull just say "bloody ell"...?" Ollie, who had watched the display, asked in bewilderment.

"Aye it did. Got filthy mouths them seagulls." Jack replied as if it was ther most normal thing in the world to have a seagull knock you over then fly off swearing.he got up brushing himself off. He walked over to Ollie. "So, do ye have any clue as to how ye got here?"

"I av told you. No. I vas just tlkaing to Pollyanna and ze next thing I know is WHOOSH – "

"Who's Pollyanna?"

"And zen I vas ere - "

"The Queen?"

"WHERE?"

"NO! Is Pollyanna the Queen?"

"Oh. No. Pollyanna is my maid. Ze queen is my mother of course. As I am ze ar to ze thone.." She spoke as if she was talking to a three year old. "You English people are not ze brightest..." She mumbled. Jack's left eye twitched. "Anyway as I was saying before I was _interrupted_ I landed on a lot of barrels and that nasty man, who I hope will be punished for speaking to me so rudely..." She would have continued grumbling if Jack had not interrupted her again.

"We'll be reaching land in two days, we can drop ye off there, until then ye can stay on me ship. this is The White Pearl by the way."

"Ze White Pearl? What a stup – strange – name for a ship. In my country all ze ships av sensible names like "Ze Queen Grace" and "Duke Ann ze second." Jack's left eye began to twitch again. Although he had known this girl for barely any time at all he knew one thing. He did NOT like her and she was really starting to piss him off.

"I'll show ye to the spare cabin where ye'll sleep." He said through gritted teeth. And Ollie followed him below deck. He opened the door to a small cabin which was simple with a bed, chair and desk all covered in dust, and smelled oddly of wet dog. Ollie tossed her hair and put her nose in the air.

"Oh no, zis vill not do at all. It if far to small and zere is dust everyvere. No zis vill not do."

"Well." Jack said, trying his best to keep control of his temper, "I am afraid it will have to do _princess -_this is the only spare cabin there is." He gave her a light shove into the room. "Just watch out for the red and yellow spiders...they're the poisonous ones." He shut the door and stalked away, leaving a very shocked and worried Ollie in the cabin. He chucked to himself. _That was a good one_. He thought.

Ollie stood alone in the cabin. She looked around at the dusty furniture. She was in shock. She had never been made to do anything she didn't want to in her life, certainly never made to sleep in a place like this!Nor had she ever been spoken to as she hadfrom the man she landed on andJack. Plus she was now pretty sure that this was a Pirate ship. No naval ship was a tatty as this, or had people as scruffy aboard. There was also the fact that earlier some random sailor had yelled over to her something about the dingos invading Port Royal again. Apart fromt all this she wasalso petrified about coming across a poisonous spider. Although she'd never heard of a red and yellow spider, she had never been outside her country and had no idea what kind of creatures were native to the Caribbean. Alltogethershe was not a happy littleprincess.

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VellI did varn you. Reveiw if you like. Flame if you like.I like fire...gets glint in eye...


	2. Sleeping Weasels Awake

**Hi ho hi ho it's off to work we go! With a bottle of rum to fill my tum hi ho hi ho hi ho hi ho:D:D:D**

**And how be ye scabrous dogs? Long time no see. I am sorry. I really do have a short attention span. But I will percevere with this stroy:D**

**A BIG HUG to my five reveiwes! FIVE! Wow. Love you all! Mwah!**

**Disclaimer: Pomegranits:D:D. That really had nothing to do with anything. Eh. I don't own pirates. Actually thatsa lieI own 2 copies of it as well as the soundtrack :D**

**ANYWAY ere be ze next chapter...drum roll...**

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**Chapter two: Sleeping Weasels Awake**

Ollie's eyes fluttered open. She immediately wrinkled her nose at the smell of damp and must that lingered in the air of the room she lay in. She swung her feet over the side of the bed and got up, not bothering to make the bed – she most certainly did not make her own bed. Just as her feet touched the ground a knock sounded at the door and a voice she didn't recognize rang out.

"Miss Ollie?" It was Gibbs, sent by Jack. "Cap'n says breakfast is in half an hour in the galley." Ollie tossed her hair at this, even though no-one could see her (except for the spider she had not yet seen crawling up her leg)

"I vill be zere." She replied in a superior tone. She set to putting her dress back on over her petticoat (which took about twenty minutes as she had never had to dress herself in her life before. The dress ended up buttoned up all wrong and the corset strings tied in a funny knot) when suddenly she felt something on her leg. She lifted her skirts…..

Jack was strolling down the corridor on the way to the galley whistling whilst muttering to himself (yes it IS possible). Suddenly a very loud high pitched scream rang out. Jack rushed towards the source of the noise to find himself stood outside the cabin Ollie was temporarily residing in. He sighed before pushing it open.

Wheat he saw made him laugh out loud. Ollie was stood on the bed, pillow in hand, wearing her dress back to front done up all weird. Her long silky platinum blonde hair was tousled from sleeping. Altogether she had the appearance of somebody you may expect to find sitting in a white cell in a straight jacket rocking back and forth.

"Wha' the bloody hell are ye doing?" Jack asked after his laughter subsided.

"It is NOT a laughing matter. Zere is a poisonous spider in zis room! It vas cvarling right up my leg! I could av been killed!" Jack blinked.

"Poisonous? Did it bite you?"

"If it bit me I would be _dead _right now. Estúpido…..(moron)"

"Then how do ye know it's poisonous?" Ollie just made a "huff" sound and tossed her hair. Something scuttled across the floor behind Jack and she shrieked again before pointing to it.

"_Look!_" Jack spun on his heel and looked to where she was pointing. A big fat spider sat in the corner. It had a _yellow body and red legs_. Jack frowned. "See! It's ze yellow and red one you varned me about! _Zat_ is ow I know it's poisonous. Now get rid of it!" She commanded, tossing her hair.

Jack just started at it in shock before shrugging his shoulder and going towards it whilst taking his hat off. That had been a joke about the red and yellow spider, he'd certainly never come across one before. Ah well. When one had seen zombie pole dancing pirates (long story), nothing surprised one. He got as close to it as he dared then slammed his hat down on top of it and jumped up and down on it. Ollie watched in shock. Jack picked his hat up to reveal a gooey mess that was squidged spider on the floor. He rubbed the green goo off his hat and plopped it back on his head. He tipped it to Ollie and strolled out of the room calling that he'd see her in the galley.

"Oi! You! Mr Sparrow!"

"Captain!" Jack said through gritted teeth, spinning back round. "I vish for my meal to be brought up ere. Surely you do not vish for me to eat vith zat _crew_ of yours?" She said, tossing her hair and climbing down off the bed.

"Well I'm sorry to inform ye _princess _Ollie but we don't do room service. Ye'll have to eat with me crew. Unless of course yer in the mood for roasted spider." Ollie tossed her hair and huffed. "Oh and by the way" he called as he walked out of the room. "Yer dress is on backwards."

Ollie watched the empty doorway in shock. She could not say or do anything for a few minutes and her mouth opened and closed like a goldfish. Finally she stuttered an "Outrageous!" And set to putting her dress on straight.

Ten minutes Later Ollie swanned into the galley and sat herself down at the big long table that stretched across the vast room. She picked a chair at the end of the table where she only had to sit next to one of the crew, rather than the other empty chair further up the table that was squished between two particularly fat smelly men. The first part of her meal was spent in silence and slight astonishment at the table manners, or rather the lack of them of these men. Her digust was interrupted by the old man with a long grey beard and patch over his eye sat next to her.

"Do ye like," He said, stuffing another piece of bread into his mouth before finishing his question. "queries?" He queried. Ollie tossed her hair before turning back to her breakfast. She was not even going to lower herself to answering this man's strange, pointless and completely stupid question; he was below her. The rest of the meal was finished as the first half was; in silence for her. And fairly uneventfully. Apart from the parrot that sat on a man's shoulder that screeched very loudly "Blondes…tease…brunettes…please…" which made the crew erupt into laugher. Ollie simply tossed her hair and continued to eat, a very sour look in place on her face.

When she'd finished she rose from the table and strutted out of the galley onto the deck. Her eyes scanned the deck until they spotted her prey. She narrowed them and made her way over to the helm where Jack stood at the wheel very unusually humming. She stood in front of him and put her knuckles together then brought her head down to meet them with force. Jack blinked.

"Eh….ye alright?"

"I am not pleased."

"Uh…ok…that why he beating yerself up?" She tossed her hair and sighed irritably.

"I an not beating myself up _manichino_(dummy), as you are obviously ignorant to the fact, this is the gesture we use when we are angry at somebody."

"Ah…and I guess that somebody is me?" Okay now he was really contemplating chucking her overboard….

"Oh vell done!" She mocked.

"Well, _princess_, what's the problem?"

"I see ze _Captain_" she spat captain as if it were a swear word, "has breakfast served in his quarters yet makes a _princess_ eat with his disgusting crew." Jack waved an apple in front of her face. He would have much rather threw it _into_ her face. But he wasn't that horrible. "Zat is your breakfast?" Jack nodded. "I see." She said, tossing her scarf. (she wasn't wearing one and she actually tossed her hair but I got kinda bored writing that. I have the attention span of a nit…..although I did actually end up still writing it…aw crud…..anyway back to the story) "Vell. Still you make me eat vith ze crew even zough you don't lower yourself to doing zat."

"I have to steer the ship. Somebody has to steer. We can't all eat at the same time." He said, speaking to her as you would a child.

"Huh!" She said, tossing her hair. "I vill not be eating my next meal with zat rowdy bunch of scoundrels. I vill av it brought up to my room or I vill starve." She said defiantly. And turned on her heel to go sulk in her room.

"Well," He said to himself as she stalked off, "somebody's going to be rather hungry by the time we get to land."

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**Thank you, thank you (takes bow) (is pelted with rotten tomatoes and bad eggs) HEHEHEHE! Until next time my friends...**


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